


Impostor Syndrome

by haizakis



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Character Death, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Introspection, M/M, Multi, Past Character Death, Slow Burn, also this be slow burn as fuck until we roast in hell, holy fuck i am just so fucking emotional about phinfei, honestly i'm just a fucking whore for phinfei why are there so few fanfics i'm sobbing, introspective and feitan centric at first heh, main ship is ofc phinfei despite the first few chapters with the absence of phinks
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-18
Updated: 2018-08-18
Packaged: 2019-06-29 05:47:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,466
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15723228
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/haizakis/pseuds/haizakis
Summary: Alternate Universe wherein Feitan dies during Dark Continent arc and is then awaken in a prototype world called World RE. He is a subject in this project and is forced to live under that societal norms, with each passing day he forgets a whole year of his previous life's memories. But a few familiar faces comes across this prototype world every now and then, will he be able to sort everything out before time runs out?





	1. Prologue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Sorry, I've been in a weird headspace as of the past few months. Because I absolutely feel like death, here's the first chapter (prologue) of a new phinfei fic, hopefully sometime soon I'll update Untold Feelings :) I really hope you all would like this fic. This is highly similar / referencing to my old knb fanfiction called "Zero Communication" which can be read on fanfiction dot net. Enjoy!

It was a rather strange feeling, I do not remember what had happened—I cannot remember any visual memory of the past, but I do remember the sound of falling buildings, the scent of burning wood and flesh, the sound of screaming (but I cannot remember whose voice it belonged to), the feeling of warmth on my skin—the feeling of warm liquid dripping from me—I presume it was blood the way it slowly stick and the way it dried into flakes but I cannot remember if it were my blood or someone else’s or how it came to that situation. I can remember how it all felt—my senses felt alive and yet my eyes fail to recognize and my brain malfunctions. I cannot exactly remember what happened.

But... I do, however, remember hearing voices— _no, it was not screams_ —it was soft grievances. Who died? Who was it that cried? I doubt it was me. I have seen far too many deaths, I know and I remember who I am. I am Feitan, Number Two of the Spiders belonging to the infamous Phantom Troupe, and highly experienced in the field of torture. I was a murderer therefore such circumstances could not make me cry over the dead.

 _Shit_. I curse inwardly, why does my visual memory fail when I need it the most?

The moment I open my eyes, all I see is a world shrouded in multiple grey hues. I wonder if I had gone color blind. The moment I open my eyes, every sense I had failed and all I could comprehend were images. Words failed sound, ears failed to hear, I could not smell anything—not even the scent of rotten eggs which I abhor—and most especially, I could not feel. My skin went numb.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How was the intro? akdjfjhthfrjek it's probably awful and boring but get ready for a much more boring chapter one h


	2. Chapter One: DAY 01

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the actual first chapter, honest to god I didn't even look twice to edit this. It's literally raw and unedited, but I'll edit it one day.... maybe while writing chapter two........ idk, my ideas are scattered and I'm prone to always revising my fics whhhh. Anyways enjoy!

**CHAPTER ONE: DAY 01**

* * *

 

It was a peculiar world, infrastructures and other buildings looked vastly different from what he remembers or what he was familiar with. The world devoid of color was rather surprising as well. Admittedly, he once lived in a world dyed in red, but that was only metaphorically, he still saw colors like brown; dark green and black—colors of garbage and piled landfill along with rivers once water now turned to tar and oil. The streets were empty; the often buzzing and crowded pedestrian scramble was brimming with nothingness. Only one man stood at the center, the pedestrian streetlight blinking red. He wonders if he should cross, there were no vehicles anyways—there was not a living soul other than him in the present scene. Despite the blinking stop sign, he takes a step forward and crosses the lane.

Onyx ruffled and unkempt tresses sway by the breezing wind, slanted and narrowed eyes focus straight not even bothering to look left and right for any vehicles that may pass. He was technically defying the constitution since he should not have crossed the lane.

Feitan— _that was the man’s name_ —he was a new inhabitant of this world. He sees tiny almost translucent balls fall from the sky, he assumes it was snow. Hands involuntarily hold each of his arms, an act of being cold and trying to warm his body. Yet he forgets, he could not feel anything and wonders why he tries to warm himself when he can neither feel the cold nor the warmth. He wonders if this snow even was actually cold.

Feitan continues to wander the empty streets. The moment he had awoken from his slumber, of which he does not know how long it was, he had seen a neatly folded parchment paper on the side table. He picked it up and read the note which only said,

_Greetings Subject 1185302,_

_Welcome to World Type RE, upon seeing the circumstances you have experienced in your previous life, the administration have chosen you among billions other to participate in our program. This world is a prototype creation by which the administration recreates fragments of your original world and separates them as individual worlds in order to create the perfect world for inhabitants like you to live in. You are able to retain all your memories from your past lives however the last five years will not be present in your memory storage (this will take effect after the first hour of the day is done), however with each passing day one year of your memories will be deducted and is equivalent to one day of memory in this world, once that is up you will be undergoing through an evaluation process which will be further explained once all your days have been used. Unfortunately, this information will not last in your mind and you are only given an hour to remember everything from the first word of this paragraph to the end of this paragraph, this is to provide confidentiality and to give equal rights for our subject to understand the situation. Once the timer is up, all thoughts you have regarding this information even after reading it will be erased from your memories along with this part of the letter disappearing in order to erase all evidence. Once again, the administration would like to extend their sincerest gratitude for accepting our invitation to partake project RE. END._

**_01:00:00_ **

The skin between Feitan’s eyebrows knot; so now he was a test subject? Disgusting, inhumane—then again, humanity has always been rather unorthodox—paradoxical—in every manner. Feitan had to admit though, he commend whatever technology, magic or _nen_ was placed on this parchment paper as the moment he had finished reading the word _‘END’_ a timer had appeared out of nowhere. And the clock begins to tick the more he spends time reading the paper.

**_Greetings Feitan,_ **

_Welcome to World RE, you are given this note in order to be informed of the basic fundamentals of this world! First and foremost, you are given a start bag of your choice; a selection will pop up after you have finished reading. It includes:_

_(1) a key to your assigned apartment, it is a 1LDK apartment, the furnishing is pre set up, you are free to have it changed overtime once you’ve become accustomed to the culture of this world. The map and the address is placed at the front pocket of the bag of your choice and it will include a World RE welcome keychain with your profile at the back as it will also serve as your alternative I.D._

_(2) I.D. which will have your name, age and birth date along with address of home and address of workplace written on it._

_(3) Pocket money of 100’000 Eiryo_

_(4) Cellphone with game and camera features however limited to sending and receiving text messages, there will be no image attachments as of yet._

_(5) A wrist watch of your choice, selection will pop up after you have chosen your bag._

_Upon exiting the starting area, this letter will no longer be valid and disappear, you will be on your own to find your apartment, there will be more instructions once you’ve arrived at your next destination._

_Good luck, have fun and enjoy your stay, Feitan!_

**_From the Administration._ **

Feitan finds the whole ordeal absurd, while true enough living back in Meteor City or Yorkshin was an absolute shit storm, this was far worse. And to think in less than an hour he will forget half of the information he had just processed and also fragments of his current thoughts as well. And now that he thinks about it, if he were to lose memories of the latest five years of his life—the whole chain user issue would be erased from his memory along with those pesky chimera ants.

Nevertheless, he doesn’t waste any time and looks at the other side where there was a popup that showed different selection of bags. Feitan was not picky and was a rather simple man so he opted to choose for a black, messenger bag with medium size and surely has quite a lot of pockets inside. Once done, he slings it over a shoulder and gets the papers at the front pocket as instructed by the letter. Another pop up shows and he chooses a simple charcoal black digital watch. Current time was 00:20 and current date was DAY 001.

“Floor twenty fourth—,” he reads it aloud however is immediately stopped when he realizes he cannot hear anything. Dark ashen hues widens in shock as his free hand holds around his throat and he voices the words on the letter once again “ _Floor twenty fourth._ ” He was sure he knows how to speak and was sure he was not mute yet he could not feel any vibration from his voice box. He says it louder—and he was sure it was louder by an octave with the pressure he placed on himself yet his ears do not recognize any sound and his skin still is numb therefore not processing any sense of feeling.

This baffles the man, just what was this world? First thing he noticed was how everything was devoid of any color other than numerous shades of grey tones, the next was the fact that he could not speak or hear and that he could not feel a thing. Walking was difficult as it felt as if he was floating—his feet could not feel the ground and it felt so light despite being aware he was standing firm on the floor. Limber fingers curl tensely at the parchment paper he held as he clicks his tongue despite feeling nothing and hearing nothing—it was an unconscious muscle memory, this world was getting on his nerves, and he knows very well his irritation would subside once memories of awareness will slip off his mind until he’s become completely a part of this world.

He checks the introduction letter once more and the time stated 00:48:32. Feitan then leaves the introduction letter finding it useless as it will disappear anyways, and so he lets it fall on the ground as he heads towards the sole door of the room. Hand on the door knob and he twists it then pushes it to reveal a world so devoid of color. Feitan would even compare this to those old black and white vintage movies—not like he would mind—it was quite the culture shock nevertheless.

Feitan was contemplating if he was the only inhabitant in this damned world; there was not a single soul here. But perhaps it was because it was just past midnight that it was dead silent at the streets. He looks back again at the map then stops right in front of a building, “This is it.” He states despite knowing very well it was nothing but empty sounds. The doors open on its own upon detecting Feitan’s presence and he grabs the I.D. from his bag and scanned it over the scanner at the side of the entrance as he immediately goes over to the elevator. Soon as he has entered he pressed the twenty fourth floor of the building. The elevator doors closes and he waits. He looks over at his watch and it was close reaching to one in the morning, he assumes by the he would have lost all memories of his starting experience.

The fact of being aware he was going to lose he’s memories were enough to give him paranoia, the uncertainty of doing something completely mundane with no recollection of how he ever was _born_ into this world is unbelievably irrational. Wait...

“The letter simply stated it was going to wipe my memories... not the evidence... excluding the letter, that was all gone.” An idea pops in his mind and he quickly grabs the phone out of his bag. “If I write every thought I have in here I’ll remember afterwards!” He opens it however only a message is seen at the center of the black screen.

**CONFIDENTIAL**

_Tsk_. Feitan underestimated these _administration operatives_. They were steps ahead, making sure these people would not be able to create any new evidences of the first letter. In fact at this point Feitan has speculated how the first hour would operate in this world— _it was too peculiar_ —far too suspicious that there was not a single person around, not even late night officers and back at the entrance there was no one that should be stationed at the front desk. He assumes that every inhabitant is invisible to new inhabitants and will be visible once the player is all set up and/or that the one hour of awareness of his _part_ of this project has passed.

The elevator presumably rings as Feitan sees the number twenty four show at the top of the door’s screen. Not soon after, the elevator doors open and he exits, going to the right side of the T-Hallway finding his room, “302... 302...,” Feitan stops once he’s in front of his designated apartment, his hand buries in the pockets of his bag to grab his keys and uses it to unlock the door. Pushing it open, he is greeted by the automatic opening of the averagely lit room. The ambiance was not too bright, much to his pleasure. As soon as the door clicks close, Feitan sets his back near a counter and sees a letter on the other end of the counter. He takes a look to read,

_Greetings Subject 1185302,_

_The administration has finally recognized your legitimacy in this world, activated once you have entered this room. There are guidelines to be discussed after this paragraph, to which you will remember subconsciously however you will not be aware of it as all memories of all evidences that this letter existed will disappear along with memories and thoughts you have regarding this matter. Your memory storage will unconsciously remember these guidelines however you will not be able to decipher its origins, nevertheless you are still given the time to be aware of the current situation you are in, the time limit ends as soon as your first hour is up._

**_Rules and Regulations:_ **

_(1) Interactions with other inhabitants are allowed; however communication is limited to written and any other form of non verbal methods._

_(2) All inhabitants are forbidden to perform scientific and/or sociological experiments and researches._

_(3) Devising a plan to create a way out of this world and/or creating your own evidences and possible theories to break the world will result to severe punishments specially chosen by the administration on the day of judgement._

_(4) All inhabitants are programmed to be controlled by their subconscious which will prevent them from violating any law however if the inhabitant continues to rebel against it, they will be held responsible and will be given three chances. Each chance will appear as a dotted symbol on a patch of skin of the inhabitant, whether it be on the wrist, neck, ankle, sides or other players. Once there are three dots, the inhabitant is immediately sent to the court where the trial will begin and the administration will judge the next course of action._

_(5) There will be clones of yourself wandering in this world, this is a malfunction in this world that the administration is looking into to fix, however the glitch will not be an easy feat._

_Every inhabitant’s moves whether inside their own rooms or outside will all be seen and monitored by the administration. Creating evidences of your own of your awareness will be seen as disobeying rule (3)._

**_It is simple as that, do not try to escape._ ** _END._

And again another cryptic message.

Feitan crumples the parchment paper and shoots it perfectly into the trash bin.

There was no escape after all, every material he could use for writing is gone—there are no pencils or pens, not even paper—the letter was useless as it would disappear anyways. There were no other sharp objects that he could use in order to carve some sort of message, his cell phone was still unavailable and so he simply lies down, refusing to look at the other features his room held. He’s sure that his soon-to-be amnesiac self would be more enthusiastic to explore those rooms. He walks towards the bed, plopping on it and lying down, his back on the bed and his face parallel to the ceiling, hands and legs sprawled across as he heaves a sigh, cheeks puffing in evident exasperation, then he turns around and curls his body, brows knitting close as eyelids shut close gently.

There was still ten minutes before everything will be wiped from his memory, and so he lets himself slowly wait to drift to sleep—not before shutting the lights off with a switch near the side of the bed he was currently facing.

_Memories... memories..._

It was difficult, knowing he would forget quite likely eighty to ninety percent of his current memories along with the latest five years of his previous life. Perhaps in these ten minutes would be a good chance to reminisce the good old times.

_“Boss called,”_

_“Oh? What’d he say?” **A snap of a man’s neck that had just been turned.**_

_“Hm, we go.”_

_“’Mkay.”_

_“Ah, also he added another rule.”_

_“What is it?”_

_“ **Go Wild.** ”_

_..._

_“Let’s have a game, most kills wins it.”_

_“Sounds fun, get ready to lose.” **A chortle slips off his lips**. _

_..._

_“Oi Fei! Wanna switch places?”_

_“Tch.”_

_“... Ah, shit run for it—”_

_..._

_“Very feminine.”_

_“What the hell?!?!”_

_..._

Feitan almost feels a slight twist in his heart, as if the life juice is being squelched out of his herat like some wet towel. He hates these moments of sentimentality—even back in his old life. Such things never suited him, it made him furious how he could never understand how it has to be _expressed_. All the time, the _wrong_ words are said, the _wrong_ expression is made and he could not understand how the basic human emotions have to be shown, this frustration was then evolved into _nen_ that he had trained in order to portray his emotions. It was all too confusing, he feels that if he had a moment of sentimentality he would break down from the inside out of the simple fact that he cannot express it how it _should be_.

Another sigh escapes his lips, now his expression mellows down, his heartbeat slows as if to follow the gentle night. Lithe fingers curl as well as his toes. This bed sure was comfortable and right to his tastes, yet the size was unbearable—it felt missing—or was it just too wide as he was so used to narrow spaces? It felt as if he was being sucked into a vortex— _a black hole_ —it felt suffocating.

He cannot help but feel heaviness at the realization each passing day in this world he would forget a year of his past life. To think, he was not so sure of his age—though he’s well aware that he’s over the age of twenty. Minus five it’s probable the only memories he would have is a few years shortly after he became twenty maybe. He realizes he did not mind if he had been forgotten, if he had died and been replaced in the spiders—after all, the spider must live on. But now that he was in this situation where he is _alive_ and is conscious that he will forget each and every person he had only ever let in his inner circles, he was conflicted.

These emotions was enough to make him feel like imploding, he wished his nen existed in this world—now that it’s a different system, he had no other way to express it. He’s a blank canvas once more. The thoughts continuously run in circles in his mind until it was too much for him to handle. He inwardly shakes his head as he forces himself to drift off to sleep. In a few minutes five years worth of memories from his previous would be eradicated, after another twenty four hours which would be tomorrow’s 1:00 AM another year is subtracted, that’s six years in total, by the end of this week he would have lost twelve years worth of memories of his life. He wonders just how much memories he’ll be able to remember by the end of the week.

Not before long, soft breathing could be heard, the heartbeat calms confirming that Subject 1185302 has drifted off to sleep.

_“ I don’t want to be a slave to society. ”_

Current time is, 01:00:00.

Memory Erasure, complete.

Current memory years stored, 23.

Violations, none.

**Congratulations Subject 1185302 for a clean start!**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry it was, without a doubt, boring as fuck.  
> Also the current memories is 23 years because I've made Feitan to be 28 years old in canon, minus 5 from the starting game it's gonna be 23. he'll lose another year soon.  
> Please let me know what you think esp if it's boring / super boring / extremely and divinely boring! adfhuhgjfkdlslkdj


End file.
